“Mom…. I have girlfriend.”
I was bright red, stuttering and incredibly nervous. I stared at her face on my laptop screen, trying to read her reaction. Was she happy? Shocked? Confused?
She smiled, and said, “That’s great sweetie, what’s her name?” a huge weight came off my shoulders and it jumpstarted my process of coming out as bi. When I told my dad a few weeks later, he didn’t even bat an eye “I’m glad you’re happy, now let’s talk about your spending habits.” My sisters were ready to punch her out if she ever hurt me. “She won’t,” I assured.
It seems like the ideal coming out story, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t met with ignorance, just like many people in the LGBT community. I’d had people assume that because I was dating a girl I was a lesbian now. I’ve had people assume that if we break up I’ll exclusively go back to guys. I’ve had people mark the relationship off as a cliché ‘college lesbian phase.’ I’ve made out with my girlfriend at parties and had several guys swarm us and say, “that’s so hot!” As if I give a fuck, as if we only exist to be sexualized by straight guys. I’ve had a guy admit to me that he wouldn’t date a bisexual woman out of fear that she’d cheat on him. I’ve had girls tell me they wouldn’t date a bisexual guy because they thought it was ‘weird’ to imagine him hooking up with a guy.
This past week was Bisexuality Awareness Week and in honor of it I’ve decided to clear up a few myths that bisexual men and women are confronted with daily.
We would totally love to have a threesome with you!
This isn’t saying that no bisexuals like threesomes (everyone has their preferences) but just because I’m bi does not mean I automatically want to join in on you and your frat-boy boyfriend getting it on.
We’ll cheat on you, all the time.
Just because we’re attracted to SOME people regardless of their gender does not mean we’re attracted to every single person who walks into the room. Cheaters come in all shapes, sizes and sexualities. If a bisexual is in a relationship with you I imagine its because he/she really loves you and is willing and able to commit. If you can’t handle their sexuality it’s probably best that you let them find someone who can.
We’re really gay, we are just too scared to come ‘all the way out.’
No, actually we’re just bi. It’s real; it’s not a halfway point out of the closet. It’s an entirely separate sexuality in it of itself. So act like it.
All bisexual women are conventionally attractive white women.
Bi-erasure is a huge issue in the media; however once in a blue moon there will be a show or movie that actually portrays a bisexual (looking at you Orange is the New Black.) It seems great, in theory, however almost all of these ‘representations’ are played safe in order to make it digestible for mainstream media. This means that bisexuals are frequently portrayed as beautiful, thin, white women whom straight men would still want to have sex with. Newsflash: bisexuals don’t all look like Piper Chapman (who by the way has never uttered the word ‘bisexual’ to describe her sexuality on the show.)
We’re not truly bi unless we’ve been in relationships with both men and women.
How did you know you were straight before you lost your virginity? It’s the same as how I knew I was bi before I had a girlfriend. You just do, it’s not a choice it’s a feeling.
Coming out as bi is not as easy as it might appear. While being homosexuality is becoming more commonplace in media (and therefore a larger part of mainstream culture.) Bisexuality is still a hard concept for most people to grasp, especially in older generations. These stereotypes that I’ve listed may seem funny, but they keep many bisexual people from hiding their sexuality and ‘picking’ a side of themselves to be out. It’s hard for bisexuals to find their place in the LGBT community, people who fall on either end of the spectrum just can’t place us. We’re not fully gay or fully straight so what are we? It’s time that we realize bisexuality is a sexuality all on its own, not just a halfway point between gay and straight. It’s time for us to stop labeling bisexuals as ‘confused’ or in a ‘stage.’ It’s also time that we realize that it’s not just straight people who can be bi-phobic. Anyone who doesn’t date a bisexual out of fear that they’ll cheat or swing back the ‘other’ way is bi-phobic. Plain and simple.
I’ve been in my relationship for a year now and we still have guys asking to ‘join in’ when they see us kissing or holding hands in public. We still get mislabeled as lesbians even when we both identify as bisexual. We still have a long way to go before mainstream media can become comfortable with bisexuals being portrayed diversely and accurately on television. We still have stereotypes to fight against. We still have a community. We still have each other.